I Was Wrong

in this post about Silvio Berlusconi having had a face-lift. He just got his eyes did.

Silvio Berlusconi 'has eye job'

Stand Up

I've been working on writing a stand-up comedy routine recently (quite earnestly I might add) and as soon as I'm done and have polished the routine off a little, I'm gonna perform it at a local comedy club on an amateur night. I must say that I'm actually impressed with what I've written so far and think that it is quite good. My delivery, on the other hand, that should be quite interesting. I suspect that it won't be pretty. I totally expect to bomb since it'll be my first attempt at this and because, well, this is Fresno. I imagine that my humor will be too subversive for the audience since it's won't be the standard Jay Leno/Carrot Top fare that I presume they are accustomed to. There is some sick/perverse part of me that actually looks forward to bombing too. But let me tell you one thing, if I start to bomb, I'm gonna make sure I really bomb.

I've even started thinking about potential comebacks/responses for any hecklers I may have.

Following is just one example:

"Oh, shut the fuck up you pea-brained honky!
You're just pissed off 'cause I fucked yo momma last night
and let me tell ya, that bitch is so old--
I needed to use Extra EXTRA lube.
The bitch is so dried up,
her pussy sucked that shit up like a sponge.
I ain't even kidding motherfucker!
That white-trash whore of a mother you got
seriously has some beef jerky down there

...and by the way, that girl that you came with smells like shit."


another of my favorite retaliations involves claiming that some heckler cracker dude is a closeted homosexual (I'll say I saw him at Bam Bam's or some other local gay bar/club), calling him all kinds of faggots, and then threatening to kick him in his loose asshole.

I loathe the word "faggot" but, hey, there is certain type of straight guy out there that would just about shit himself if he was "fingered" as potentially being a homo. Therefore, it's OK. Oh, and the misogyny in the first one, perfectly acceptable.

So, what do you think?... Is this thing on?... Anyone?... Anyone?...

yo quiero saber...

who wants to buy this new DVD for me? Anyone? Fine, I'll get it myself. Ivy Queen is so tough. I'm pretty sure that she can kick your ass.

**I am loving the music that is coming out of the latin world at the moment. I also really want this. I'm a little embarassed that I admitted this one but, hey, it is extremely catchy and infectious. It uses the same sample that Deee-Lite used for 'Groove Is In The Heart'. That was a sample, right? Anyhow, the song is pretty filthy. Even my mother love's Lorna's song but I think it's mainly because Lorna is from Panama and, therefore, a Central-American like herself. No relation to Lorna Doom

some other latin artists that I am listening to are:

Juanes
Cafe Tacuba
Aterciopelados
Kinky
Tego Calderon
Lito Y Polaco

among many others...

Attention 'Strangers With Candy' Fans

I must direct you to a recent entry from sturtle. It's the April 16 entry on the real Jerri Blank.

once, just for fun, I wrote an episode of "Strangers With Candy"-- just for my own amusement. In it, Jerri gets toxic shock syndrome from wearing her tampon for too long-

"what do you mean, doctor? I've only had it in there for a week!

so, then some of the school girls try to convince Jerri to switch to pads but Jerri notices that only the good Christians and virginal girls seem to use them-- also, they walk around with these really exaggerated wads/lumps in their pants... and it goes on and on. I kill myself sometimes.

and I received the following info in an e-mail from a friend a while back:
-------------------------
Blank Slate
Parker, Broderick plan ''Strangers With Candy'' movie. The ''Sex'' star and her husband will star in the film version of pal Amy Sedaris' Comedy Central cult fave by Gary Susman


'STRANGER' FICTION Broderick and Parker will star in ''Candy'' movie

Hey, ''Strangers With Candy'' fans: Get ready to go back to school. Not only is Amy Sedaris bringing her Comedy Central cult hit to the big screen, but she's also bringing along some well-known friends: Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick. According to The Hollywood Reporter, both have agreed to star in the ''Candy'' movie. It'll mark the first time that the ''Sex and the City'' star and her husband have appeared on screen together (they did act together in the Broadway revival of ''How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying'' nearly a decade ago).

Sedaris, who (along with brother David) made the top 10 of Entertainment Weekly's new list of the 25 funniest people in America, created ''Strangers With Candy'' in 1999 and starred in it for three seasons. A parody of TV's after-school homilies, ''Candy'' centers on Jerri Blank (Sedaris), a high school student whose attempts to ingratiate herself with the popular crowd are complicated by the fact that she's a frumpy, middle-aged ex-convict. According to TV Guide Online, Parker will play a sexy French teacher, while Broderick will play a guy who comes between two gay teachers who are lovers. Producer Mark Roberts tells TV Guide that more A-listers will be enrolling for cameos as well. The Brodericks are apparently returning the favor after Sedaris appeared in several ''Sex'' episodes as Carrie Bradshaw's rapacious publisher, Courtney Masterson. The film will shoot in June in New York.

Confession:

I have a nose fixation and I know not whence it came. The nose is typically the first thing I notice in a person's appearance.

Truth be told, I have yet to come across a nose that I haven't liked. The less conventional a nose is, the more I seem to like it. I often have the desire to run my fingers over a nose and feel the nuances of the structure... like a blind person I suppose. Sometimes I even want to stick my fingers inside.

On the surface, It certainly doesn't seem like something sexual to me. I don't get hot and bothered thinking about noses. Some people are attracted to people's eyes/hair... I happen to like noses. Everyone has their thing--that's how I see it.

I must admit, however, that, recently, it has become increasingly difficult not to notice a kind of glaring Freudian/phallic connection... if you think about it I guess. Taking into consideration that, from time to time, I wouldn't mind actually putting a nose in my mouth and the fact that I am also fascinated by fingers... I'm starting to wonder. I am one filthy whore.


p.s. I'm also really into golden showers. Just Kidding!... or am I?

Fresno's Involvement...

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere” (Martin Luther King, Jr.)



Few people in town actually know about the historical role that Fresno played during the Japanese Internments of the 1940's. The truth is that two sites in Fresno were used as relocation centers.

Fresno Fairgrounds

Camp Pinedale

Of Civil Wrongs and Rights

**we must look at the Japanese Internments and the case of Fred Korematsu (who's supreme court ruling has yet to be overturned) now as examples that the American Government/Supreme Court are not always right/just in their actions/decisions. We mustn't ignore what is going on in Guantánamo Bay and the extra leverage that the government has received in the form of the Patriot Act to abuse their powers and commit injustices. As it stands, right now, some one can be snatched up and imprisoned by the government without them having to notify their families, or anyone for that matter, that they were even taken. They can be held indefinitely and don't even have the right to an attorney. I wonder how many people are victims of this exact situation right now that we just aren't aware of.

Fred Korematsu v. George W. Bush

What About The First Amendment?

Bush: Privacy of Families Outweighs Photos

Of course, it is important to respect the families that have lost loved ones in Iraq (and Afghanistan), however, this is so blatantly a politically motivated move as to make one's eyes roll into the back of their head. They are coffins for christ's sake not photos of human remains. Flag-draped coffins have always served to honor those that have lost their lives in combat, right?

The fact is that an increasingly unsettled American public has begun to question our involvement in Iraq. The neo-cons are rightfully concerned that these photos might actually make the situation seem, gasp, real to the American public.

I am shocked that our government would shut down a website solely for displaying these images.... well, not really but you get my point. 1st amendment anyone? It all seems very police-state-ish if you ask me. This is exactly what the Soviet Union did during it's war with Afghanistan.

What The Fuck?

I guarantee you that 'Peace Fresno' is not a terrorist organization. Fuck this stupid, evil administration! Some might argue that this administration is a big terrorist organization in itself. I'll be rooting for Peace Fresno and the ACLU all the way, baby! crazy cracka pigs

Peace Fresno files complaint
Now-deceased deputy is accused of infiltrating group.

**Of course, it is important to keep abreast and remain actively involved with what is going on in Iraq, however, we also mustn't let our attention be diverted from what is going on here. It seems as if our rights are being stripped from us little by little, on a daily basis.

One Day You'll Know How Nice It Is To Get Paid While Your Getting Laid...

"Aight, kid you gotta go to bed
I know it's only 6 but my boy just came over
and he wants me to give him head
sit his bare ass on the couch where you watch 'Small Wonder'
and next time you see Vicki, the spot'll be sticky
'cause I sucked his dicky and used your mom's cucumber
don't worry, I'll put it back in the Frigidaire
scared?
you can have it for supper, nice and crisp in the Tupperware..."

**from Bad Babysitter by Princess Superstar

click here to listen to the song and/or here to see the video

and don't forget... "On May 5th, 2004 at 10pm, prepare to get Made by Princess Superstar! on MTV's 'Made'"

Pop You In The Pooper

ok, so I'm totally ripping off Margaret Cho's blog entry on Jeff Stryker (which I totally recommend that you read by the way) and I even think Jonno mentioned something about it long before her but I absolutely must direct you to immediately download this clip of Stryker's "Pop You In The Pooper". A classic country diddy if ever there were one, I'd say.

"Hey buddy you say you're straight that's great
but you oughta try something new
'cause you got a spot in a place that's hot
and it likes to be tickled too..."

Cho, baby

Margaret Cho spoke at some MoveOn.org show a few months ago-- the following are excerpts from some of the hatred-filled e-mails she received after the event:

----------------------
Dear Margaret,
It seems like only yesterday that Chinese scientists successfully cross-breeded a pot-belly pig and a Chink whore. 9 months later you were born!
Your'e disgustingly fat pig face with the yellow skin and and slant eyes has been with us ever since!
-----------------------
Hey dig this BUSH WILL WIN....Whatsammatter fat ass, cant take the heat. Eat some dog like your freinds back home. Its what you look like anyway you scumbag Chowface..
-----------------------
right wingers unite to fight liberal fat bitches like you!!!!

I wish nothing but the worse for you and will be praying that you develop cancer or AIDS.
God Bless
--------------------
GO BACK TO ASIA CUNT.

WE DON'T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOUR SLANTTY RANTS.

FUCKING CUNTS LIKE YOU MAKE ME SICK

GO FUCK YOURSELF.
--------------------------
YOU FAT CHINK BITCH!! HOW DARE YOU CRITICIZE THIS PRESIDENT. YOU AND YOUR SEXUALLY DEVIATE FRIENDS COULDN'T CLEAN HIS SHOES.
--------------------------
ARE MY SHIRTS READY? and I have the number 22 with chow mein.Thanks
--------------------------
Fat Cunt Chinese women. Bush is the best!
--------------------------
Dear chung lee,
Please go back where you came from. We don't need anymore people like you in this country. I hope you have aids and pass it to all your liberal commie homo friends. Your a slut and a lard ass. Please take Rosie O'donnel back home with u, I'm sure yall will have a lot of fun together eating sushi and having dildo fights. Stupid ninja

Aids Cures Gays
------------------------------
You are a disgusting fat gook. Go back to China where you belong.
------------------------------
I"d like 2 eggrolls, a small hot & sour, and some pork fried rice...THEN, get the fuck out of my country and take that little faggot moby with you...
------------------------------
wat you crall 2 Klorians with headcold ???
answer..".gook, gook atchew.."
------------------------------

oh, and it goes on like that forever. You can check out the whole thing here. There are even more dog-eating remarks.

Before I continue, I must admit that I laughed at some of the stuff on there... but it was mainly because of it's sheer absurdity.

I was going to deliver a rant on these bush-supporters but I think that their idiocy is quite evident without me saying much. Not that every bush-supporter/republican is a bigot but, hey, let's face it, racist pigs like these are much more likely to be republicans than my sandal wearing, granola eating brethren. You are delusional if you think otherwise.

I sure am glad that I am surrounded by friends and family that know the difference between China and Korea.

**on a different note, Margaret did not make this list. What's up with that? I mean, Gallagher and Paula Poundstone made the list for christ's sake! Anyhow, check out I'm The One That I Want and Notorious C.H.O. She is, hands down, my favorite comedian and definitely one of the funniest and smartest around.

Q&A

so, I've received some e-mails inquiring into why I got rid of the "Books I'm Reading" section of my weblog

there's a simple answer to that question--self-consciousness. Am I taking too long to read this book? Does this sleazy book belie my immense intellect? etc., etc.
'sides, I've decided to continue my studies into the bible 'cause, in the future, ain't no crazy person on the religious right gonna quote scripture to me and expect me to just shut up 'cause they assume that I'm not all that familiar with the material- no way. So, that should take me a while.

also, sorry that there are gaps in between my posts as of late. I've been having extended daydreams:

Rudy+Caedmon= 'The Vas Deferens'
we are working on a new song to be titled "Tickle My Testicles"

Gossip! Gossip!

The A-List is a site that I visit frequently. It's a huge guilty pleasure. I'm not proud of it, mang. Some of the shit on there is so obviously untrue but once I read it, it becomes truth to me, baby. I'm even starting to believe that Freddie Prinze Jr. likes to run around wearing diapers on his off-time... and I always suspected that Meg Ryan was a real bitch. Lord, help me.

I'm loving this shit...

First Spain elects into government their country's 'socialist party'-- then Zapatero immediately suggests that civil unions should be implemented (man, I say that would be pretty big for a catholic country like Spain even if it is just civil unions, ya know?)-- then we find out that half of Zapatero's cabinet appointees are females (yay!)-- and now he's actually gonna go through with pulling Spanish troops from Iraq (causing Honduras to pull out their troops too by the way) because Bush has absolutely no intention whatsoever of involving the U.N. I am loving this shit. Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero , you are one balls-y man!!!

Oh yeah, It looks like that lovable, (to some though not I) eccentric, megalomaniac of a creep, Berlusconi (who is rumored to have semi-recently had a face-lift) is, in his own sleazy way, gonna try to capitalize on these new developments.

"Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi said that with Spain's withdrawal 'we can take advantage of the fact that we are now considered the closest ally in continental Europe to the United States, which is the only world superpower,' the ANSA news agency reported."

And Another One...

Lil' Kim Faces November Trial on Perjury Charges

--oh, and Awful Plastic Surgery.com is currently having a field day with Kim's ever-changing look. looks like we've lost another one-- Lil' Kim has definitely succumbed to the societal notion of a white ideal (racism internalized?... or something like that) but who can blame her considering how relentlessly it is shoved in all of our faces? I still love you QB!

You Makes Me Topsy Turvy

Taylor Savvy is the other half in the 'Stuff Me Up' duet from Fatherfucker. Apparently, he was in a group with Peaches (before she actually became Peaches) called 'The Shit'. It is also my understanding that each song on his album comes with special dancing instructions.

click here to check out his video for 'Topsy Turvy'
(or here if you prefer real player)

Republican Party's 40 Years of Juggling on Race

I know that I've sent this article to a number of my friends in the past, however, I am going to reprint it here for all of those out there that have yet to read it. Normally, I'd just direct you to the New York Times site but since it's kind of old, they'd make you pay for the article. It is a little bit old but it definitely deserves to be read.

-------------------------------------
Republican Party's 40 Years of Juggling on Race
By ADAM CLYMER The New York Times

WASHINGTON, Dec. 12, 2002 President Bush's repudiation of Senator Trent Lott today, as an apostate to the "founding ideals" of the Republican Party, underlined the juggling act the party has maintained on race for nearly four decades.

Ever since the Republican Party in the South was reborn by hostility to the civil rights legislation of the 1960's, the national party has increasingly depended on Southern votes while insisting to Northern moderates that it is still the party of Lincoln.

One of the sharpest examples of how Republicans have successfully balanced those two interests occurred in 1980, when Ronald Reagan (news - web sites) opened his campaign in Philadelphia, Miss., and set off an outcry when he used the code words "states' rights" to appeal to whites.

To repair the damage, Mr. Reagan traveled to Detroit in October and sought to reassure suburban whites that he was no racist, by obtaining the endorsement of two black civil rights leaders, the Rev. Ralph David Abernathy and the Rev. Hosea Williams. That was not to seek black votes, but as his pollster, Richard Wirthlin, said after the election, to soothe whites who generally support Republican policies but do not think of themselves as supporting racism.

Those balancing efforts usually work. But occasionally they blow up in the party's face, as seemed to occur this week.

Mr. Bush himself was embarrassed in the 2000 primaries after courting Southerners at Bob Jones University, leaving him to say, "I don't like being called a bigot."

This week, the juggling has been less than nimble. For six days after Mr. Lott approvingly recalled Strom Thurmond's segregationist Dixiecrat campaign for president in 1948, Ari Fleischer (news - web sites), the White House press secretary, brushed off the episode as completed by Mr. Lott's apologies. But the controversy did not subside.

And the political reality, Mr. Wirthlin said today, is that "Republicans cannot afford to alienate the South, but to alienate the suburbs on a racist charge would even be more damaging."

Despite the initial amnesiac calm that greeted Mr. Lott's statement that the country would have been better off if Mr. Thurmond was elected in 1948, the potential damage in the suburbs is hard to overstate. The Dixiecrat movement was spurred by President Harry S. Truman's desegregation of the armed forces and the Democratic convention's adoption of a strong civil rights plank after Mayor Hubert H. Humphrey of Minneapolis roused the party by saying, "The time has arrived for the Democratic Party to get out of the shadow of states' rights and walk forthrightly into the bright sunshine of human rights."

Mr. Lott, in a television interview this week, tried to explain his deference to Mr. Thurmond by saying he was for a strong military. But in 1948, Mr. Thurmond emphasized the threat of federal interference in Southern life.

"On the question of social intermingling of the races, our people draw the line," Mr. Thurmond said. "And all the laws of Washington and all the bayonets of the Army cannot force the Negro into our homes, into our schools, our churches and our places of recreation and amusement."

So today, as Robert S. Strauss, the longtime Democratic leader, put it, "the president had to step out and try to clean it up."

For Republicans, Mr. Strauss said, "that just is what happens when you have an issue that you're on the wrong side of and very uncomfortable dealing with."

The Southern Republican campaigns of the 60's and early 70's turned heavily on race. In the 1964 presidential campaign, Barry M. Goldwater's opposition to the civil rights act that year won him five Deep South states, and some House members were elected on his coattails. Race was a major factor in Bill Brock's successful Senate challenge in 1970 against Albert Gore Sr. in Tennessee. Mr. Brock has since said he regretted the tone of his campaign.

Merle Black, a professor of political science at Emory University, said, "Certainly in the Deep South, race was the driving issue for the Republicans."

Senator Jesse Helms's campaigns in North Carolina always had a racial component. But in recent years, Mr. Helms has been the exception. These days, said Prof. Charles S. Bullock III of the University of Georgia, "a statement opposing affirmative action is as close as they come now" to discussing race.

Professor Black pointed out that other issues like taxes and military spending attracted Southerners to the Republicans. For some Southern Republicans, race may still be the center of their allegiance, he said, "but there are lots of others for whom it's a minor point."

Turnout is the one area where Democrats argue that Republicans are still playing the race card. Donna Brazile, Al Gore (news - web sites)'s campaign manager in 2000, said today that Republican warnings about impending black voter fraud, usually a few days before an election, were plainly intended to suppress black turnout and to stimulate whites into thinking that they are threatened by illegal votes.

On occasion raising the race issue has been both embarrassing and successful. In the 1988 presidential race, George Bush was helped by a commercial that attacked Gov. Michael S. Dukakis of Massachusetts for the furlough of a murderer, Willie Horton, who then raped a woman. His aides insisted that the campaign had nothing to do with the advertisement and seemed chagrined.

In 1991, the emergence of a former Ku Klux Klan leader, David Duke, as a Republican candidate for governor in Louisiana embarrassed the party, which disavowed him while Democrats chortled.

President Bush himself, after losing the New Hampshire primary in 2000 to Senator John McCain of Arizona, reached out to Southern conservatives by going to Bob Jones University. But Mr. Bush who had been trying to style himself as a different kind of conservative, was unhappy to be challenged over the facts that the Christian college banned interracial dating and that its founder, Bob Jones, had made many anti-Catholic statements. In the end, Mr. Bush won the South Carolina primary, though the Catholic issue cost him Michigan.

Over the years, the race issue has helped Republicans more than it has hurt them. The Senate Republican leader Everett S. Dirksen of Illinois played a crucial role in breaking the Southern filibuster against the 1964 Civil Rights Act. But it was the Democrats who paid the price for the law that banned discrimination in public accommodations and employment, allowing the federal government to stop aid to programs that discriminated and giving Washington the power to sue to desegregate schools.

As President Lyndon B. Johnson predicted to Bill Moyers on the evening he signed the bill, "Bill, I think we just delivered the South to the Republican Party for a long time to come."

Oh My Goodness!

Lil' Kim Charged with Perjury

There's Only One Peach With A Hole In The Middle

In exactly one month (deo volente) I will be seeing this foxy lady at the fillmore in SF... and I will be dressing for the occasion

Another Political/Activist Female I Especially Love

Arundhati Roy

"Any government's condemnation of terrorism is only credible if it shows itself to be responsive to persistent, reasonable, closely argued, nonviolent dissent. And yet, what's happening is just the opposite. The world over, nonviolent resistance movements are being crushed and broken. If we do not respect and honor them, by default we privilege those who turn to violence.

Across the world, when government's and the media lavish all of their time, attention, funds, research, space, sophistication, and seriousness on war talk and terrorism, then the message that goes out is disturbing and dangerous: If you seek to air and redress a public grievance, violence is more effective than nonviolence. Unfortunately, if peaceful change is not given a chance, then violent change becomes inevitable..." from War Talk

Drunken Mick

Caedmon (who was the subject of my very first fopblog post) is another one. Actually, he is a Drunken Mick who loves to be naked and loves to show off his body. The following is just one example of this and, trust me, there's lots more where this came from.

The PulpJesus Yafro Moblog

I'd like to use racial slurs in addressing each of my friends-- therefore, it is incumbent upon me to offer some kind of leverage, right?
Jovan-Té

and now... Big J-- as interpreted by pulpjesus
Jovan-Té#2





or, you know what? I recommend that you go on ahead and check out all of his "yafro moblog" by clicking on the above photo. There is a plethora of highly amusing shit on there... and I think he has some moblog groupies too.

p.s. in high school, pulpjesus' french name was "Adolf"

Happy Easter Everybody!!!!

jesus got the clap from mary magdalene. jesus loved to be flagellated. jesus is my father.

Straight Hood

My Driver's License Has Been Suspended. I'm Gangsta, Sho' 'Nuff

Girl, Throw A Hat On That Weave

If I were to ever start my own business for weaves/wigs, I would call it "Weaves and Shit" or, perhaps, just the simple "Weave World"...

and I would defintely enter this competition

T-Party Anyone?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

New J.T.

The Astounding Flying Scarberryies from Memorius

menz in the slammer with stiff hammerz

looking for a pen pal?

Mad World

video-- directed by michel gondry (if you prefer windows media player, click here)

R.I.P.

to all my homies that be bloodin' and cripin'

why in the world couldn't I have come across this weblog while it was still alive and well? huh?

back tomorrow...

sorry, it looks like I have a life all of a sudden

check this old thing out in the mean time---> Oz Prison Bitch Name Generator

I'm the 'Ass Executioner'

** got the link from patricking.com a long, long time ago

shake it don't break it

"Kyan Douglas from Queer Eye for the Straight
Guy is really called Eddie. His stage name is
said to come from a stint as a stripper in
New Orleans using the name Kyan Pepper" (from popbitch)

hmmm. sturtle once mentioned that he had dated kyan for a while but refused to divulge any more than that. sturtle seems like an extremely intelligent gentleman so maybe kyan does have something upstairs. maybe.

sturtle lives in new orleans... kyan -I mean eddie- was a stripper there... it's all coming together

April Fool's Day

Instead of me trying to pull some lame joke on y'all, I'm just gonna recommend that you go out and rent this "terrific" 80's flick