ATTENTION LITERAL READERS OF THE BIBLE...

you sure are some dumb fucks. Even more preposterous than a literal reading of the bible are the people that claim that this is actually the approach that they take in reading the holiest of books. I have never come across a person that genuinely reads the bible literally 100% of the time... even if they claim to... not even Pat Robertson himself folks. The truth is that most on the religious right will conveniently pick and choose which areas/subjects that they want to interpret in order to buttress pre-existing beliefs or so that things don't get too uncomfortable for them.

It's simply egregious to think that this ancient text can mean the exact same thing now that it did so long ago. Therefore, I think it is incumbent upon you to interpret away. "Interpretation" simply means getting the meaning out of the text, right? An historical-critical approach to interpreting the bible is a must...

case in point-- let us look at Jesus' Teaching about Simplicity

In three of the Gospels (Matthew 19:24, Mark 10:25, and Luke 18:25) Jesus says

"It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God"

If you are a literal reader of the bible, it is required that you believe that, without holy intervention, rich people are essentially barred from entering the kingdom of God--- 'cause there sure ain't no way a camel can fit through the eye of a needle now, can it?

However, a different interpretation arises when we look at this quotation in an historical context. When this was written, there was a very low and narrow entrance gate through the city wall of Jerusalem known as "the eye of the needle". When caravans entered the city, the camels would have to be unloaded, led through the gate crouching down and then reloaded on the other side.

With this tiny bit of information, any reasonable person will deduce that what Jesus is actually saying is that one must strip him/herself of the attitude that worldly possessions constitute the greatest good and highest value in life before they can enter the kingdom of GOD--one must first unload their material concerns--. I don't know about y'all but this historical-critical interpretation sure sounds more plausible to me.

So, in conclusion, you literal readers of the bible can go fuck yourselves you feeble minded fucks.